Janus
by VongolaXII
Summary: 'I wanted to be Kyouya's warrior. I have always wanted to fight for him. All this time it was him who hogs the battlefield. This time, I want to be the fighter.' Mild TYL!6918


**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.**

**Claim: I own the story.**

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**Title: Janus**

**Summary: You've turned him into a Janus. He's have another face you've never seen. The face he never wanted to show you; the broken face.**

**A/N: Before you start reading, please listen to ****"Janus" by Boyfriend****. It will enhance the effect even more. If you want more understanding, read the meanings to that song's lyrics first. I suggest you to put the song on repeat, I hope it works. A birthday fic for myself, by the way ;) There's a link of the trailer at my profile, feel free to watch it!**

**Warning: You're going to go through a very emotional content. Make sure your heart is ready to take in heavy angst. My aim in this story is to make you cry, or at least feel the pain because that was what I felt when I write this. So after reading, tell me how you feel.**

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—_Janus; ancient Italian God, guardian of gates and doors, beginnings and ends, represented with two faces, one at the front and the other on the back of his head.—_

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He feels suffocated.

Drown by his feelings.

Trap in his actions.

"Kyouya, how about the park this evening?" he asked, eyes full of hope. It had been four months, approximately four months since they have not gone out _together_. He doesn't care, though. Hibari had more important things to do since he was a guardian.

The skylark looked up from his paper work before looking down again. That broke his heart. He stood there like an idiot for ten minutes. Hibari was starting to get pissed off.

"Are you going to leave or what." Hibari leered.

Slowly, he backs away and smiles apolitically. "I'm sorry," Was all he could utter. Every step he took felt like stepping on thorns. Every smile he gave felt like draining everything in him. The moment he close the door, he know he had to start mending his heart again.

It was just the same four months ago. He would go in to Hibari's study room and asked him out. For the millionth time, Hibari refused to agree or decline. The raven preferred to shut up. He preferred to ignore him. The pain was getting him every time his lover leered at him.

They've only talked for two times a week. The other five times were gone because Hibari avoided him. Avoiding him was okay, but the part where he completely lost interest in talking to him hurts the most. He forces himself to look okay in front of Hibari. The skylark did not realize he had slowly turned into a Janus.

Janus, the God of two faces.

In the outer layer he looked perfectly fine. He looked happy. He looked like he hadn't care. But who would think that a cold person like him would shed a tear? A cruel person like him getting hurt? A criminal like him _wants_ to be loved? No one had expected it, including him.

A year with Hibari seems like a thousand years. He doesn't care, though. Hibari had brutally confessed to him after dragging him into a fight. He wasn't the one to lose but just one kiss from the skylark changes everything. His heart stopped pumping and his body felt weak. That kiss infected him a lot.

He smiled.

_Dear Heart, why aren't you strong enough? Why won't you stop breaking? _

Then his eyes caught the calendar. He saw the date circled with red marker. His lips gave a faint smile. That day was their anniversary. His eyes fell on the floor. Would he remember it? He feels as if he was out of character for feeling needy like this. But that was his weakness. Hibari Kyouya was his only weakness.

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Hibari opens the door, frustrated. Where had he gone? He wasn't home for two days already. Although he avoided him, but the disappearance of him made Hibari angry. Yesterday was their anniversary. Had he decided to leave the house? He thought that too early, though.

He appeared in front of the door, bruised and bleeding.

The skylark's eyes widened. Whatever had happened to him? He stumbled in, holding his left arm. Hibari did not even make a move to help. He only moves aside to let him enter. Blood stained the floor. Suddenly, he collapsed.

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"Is he okay?"

Tsuna asked, worried. The brunet stared at the bandaged body in front of him. Shamal lets out a sigh. The Vongolas decided to pay him a visit when the news of him being wounded reached them. Hibari leaned by a pillar. His face was blank, expressionless. His mask was still firm.

"I don't know. I can't give you assurance that he will be okay. The bullets in him were more than a warrior can take. To make matter worse, the bullets were poisoned."

Tsuna fell to the floor, clutching the bed sheet. Gokudera comforts him, but he himself was caught in a mixture of feelings. He doesn't hate this man although it always seem like he does. It was all because his ego was too high to befriend him. Yamamoto stared at the bandaged body with concern eyes.

Everyone cared for him.

Including him.

He acts as if he was not affected by it. His onyx eyes stared at the body angrily. Why had he gone out to fight alone?

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Until evening, the Vongolas were still there. Then Gokudera suggests that Tsuna should go back and rest. The Decimo refused, though. He loved his guardians. If one of them ever encountered anything like this, he vowed to stay by their side until they healed.

"Jyuudaime…"

"No, Gokudera…leave me alone. I want to stay here," Tsuna sobbed. His eyes were all red. His face was stained with tears. He was still clutching the bed sheet. His shoulders shook as he cried again. Yamamoto pulled Gokudera back, telling him to let Tsuna be.

Hibari did not agree.

"I will take care of him." His voice was steel and feeless. Tsuna's head whipped around. "Y-You will?" that was a shock to him because Hibari Kyouya had never offered to take care of anyone before. Tsuna still hadn't known about the wrecked and unstable relationship between the two guardians.

Though they live together, that was forced. The guardians were to share a house given by Nono. This is to build bonds between them. But more than friends were built between this two guardians. They brought their relationship to another level each day. Friends, enemies, lovers and strangers, they have had it all.

After Tsuna was convinced, Tsuna was brought back to his own house by Gokudera and Yamamoto. He was still crying, though. Shamal left too.

Hibari pushed the door closed. Then his eyes fell on the man on the bed. He walked towards the man and wraps his fingers around his neck. He felt his own lips quivering. His eyes started to turn cloudy and his view turns blur. His fingers shook.

Then his eyes fell on a piece of paper in the man's hand. Hadn't Shamal noticed them? He felt weird but he took the paper anyway. His eyes dance on the letters written neatly on the paper. Though, the paper was stained with a big amount of blood. He felt his own tears breaking the wall he built around his eyes.

_I don't know why you did this to me, Kyouya. I don't know why. Two days ago when you asked me to leave your room, I feel the pain again. It was not the first time. But that was not the problem. The reason behind my current state [I expected myself to be bruised and wounded] is because of that letter. An enemy family decided to kill you for revenge. Remember the family whose boss was killed by you? Thank god I took the paper before you do. I just want to let you know, I wasn't sure if I would succeed in stopping them. If I couldn't, please forgive me. If I succeed, tell me the reason behind all your doings in these four months. _

_I love you._

"Damn it."

That was all he could say when he finished reading. His grip on the paper was too hard until it crumbled. So he knew he wouldn't be back safely. Why didn't he tell him about the letter? If he did, he wouldn't have to face the enemies alone. It even took Hibari several times to kill the boss, so who was he to face them all together? Who does he think he was? Hibari spotted the small writing at the corner of the paper and squints.

_If I fail, please forgive me. If you ever questioned my doings, the reason was simple. I love you; I wanted to be your warrior. I want to fight for you; I wanted to fight for our love. _

His mask started to crack. "If you love me, you shouldn't fight by yourself. Love is two people fighting for it. Not one." He muttered, angry at him for being so stupid. He admitted he ignored the man recently. He didn't want to, but his heart just doesn't want to give in. The man never knew why he was so mad.

He was mad at him for being oblivious. He was pissed at him for treating that Cavallone blonde so nice. He was irked when he saw them talking together. He was _jealous_.

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For a week, he sat there loyally. He had never left the room except for toilet and food. Then he would come back to the room and sat there, staring at his bandaged lover. He was expecting at least a slight movement from him but in vain. Alas, today his fingers finally twitched.

Hibari's eyes widened a little. The fingers twitched once, twice then no more. He sat there, waiting for the man to open his eyes. He hates to admit he missed the smile and the man's voice. Now he knew how he felt when he ignored him. But his lover was worst. He missed him for four months and was still standing whilst Hibari himself was starting to break just in one week.

When there was no more movement for an hour, he turned suspicious. He leaned towards the man slowly, and his fingers moved up to his face. And they froze there. Where was the hot breath that was supposed to be felt? Where was the movement that his chest was supposed to make? Where were they?

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"His soul left," Shamal shook his head. His body turns cold. His mask had finally shattered. His eyes stared in disbelieve at the cold body he was holding just now. He left? He had left him alone? His heart felt as if a knife was stabbed through it. It was bleeding. He turns when someone tapped his shoulder.

Dino stood there, looking concern. Hibari stared back in disgust. He hated him. He hated him for being so close to what was his. He was afraid that Dino will steal him away from him. He was scared of losing him.

"There's something I wanted to tell you, Kyouya."

"We have nothing to say."

Dino sighed. "You do know you owe him an apology, right?" that question felt like an arrow wrapped in ice, piercing through his heart. "You owe him for ignoring him, and for turning him into a Janus, don't you know?"

"What do you mean?" his voice shook.

"You ignored him. You did not talk to him. You shun him out of your room. You act as if you both were strangers. You decline him. He's a really fragile man actually, Kyouya. He might seem mischievous and arrogant at times, but that's just the mask he wore. Behind the mask, he was a man who wanted to be _loved_. His childhood memories had been horrible, and he told me he didn't know what love was. Then you came along and he knew it straight away." Dino said.

"I did not ask him to love me."

"You didn't. But he was willing to," Dino snapped. "He chooses _you_. Of all of us, he picked you. Chrome was broken hearted by this but he still wants _you_. When he told me he was going to the enemy's base, I knew he wouldn't return. I asked him if it was worth it and you know what he answered me. He said: 'I wanted to be Kyouya's warrior. I have always wanted to fight for him. All this time it was him who hogs the battlefield. This time, _I_ want to be the fighter.' When he said that I felt like shedding a tear, Kyouya, the answer was _beautiful_."

Hibari inhale. His eyes were turning red. "He shouldn't do it. I said it wasn't worth it!" the skylark snapped suddenly and the guardians turned at their direction. Tsuna stared at Hibari before smiling sadly at him. Hibari stared back. He felt his eyes stinging and soon, a crystal clear drop fell.

"Time to look at him for the last time, Kyouya, now go," Dino urged Hibari. The skylark looked confused before walking slowly towards the corpse. With every step, his guilt grew higher. With every breath he inhales an arrow shot through his heart. He reached the coffin and bends down.

Everyone's eyes widened except Dino when Hibari bends down and kissed the cold lips. Their lips connected and Hibari felt the pain again. This will be their final kiss. That thought made his shoulders to shook.

_I forgive you, Mukuro Rokudo. Rest in peace, I've forgive you for everything and I hope you will forgive me for my obnoxious behaviour all this while._

He removes his lips. His right hand stroked Mukuro's hair softly. The images of their memories flashed through his mind immediately. Every memory breaks a part of him. Silently, he praised Mukuro for being strong even though he was dying inside. He had done his part as a Janus excellently and even Hibari couldn't sense it at all.

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_I may be smiling outside but look at me a little more closely. Can't you see it in my eyes that I was drowning in my own tears?_

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**You've turned him into a Janus. He's have another face you've never seen. The face he never wanted to show you; the broken face.**


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